Beyond the Wedding: Budgeting for Pre- and Post-Wedding Celebrations with Community Support

Planning a wedding is a major financial undertaking, but the wedding itself is often just one piece of the puzzle. Many couples also host celebrations before and after their big day, such as an engagement party, Shabbat Chatan, Sheva Brachot, a bachelor or bachelorette party, and a rehearsal dinner. With so many events surrounding a wedding, it’s important to decide where to allocate your budget—and to find creative ways for family and friends to help share the costs.

Sheva Brachot: A Community Effort

Sheva Brachot is a beautiful tradition of post-wedding celebrations, where friends and family gather each night for a week of festive meals, each concluding with the recitation of the seven blessings. Traditionally, these meals are hosted by different people within the couple’s community, making it an excellent opportunity to involve loved ones.

Ways to Manage Costs:

Delegate hosting – Instead of taking on the financial burden yourself, allow different families or groups of friends to host each night. Many communities embrace this tradition as a way to celebrate together.
Use a communal space – If your guests are from various locations, consider hosting in a synagogue hall or another shared venue.
Keep it simple – Meals don’t have to be extravagant. A dairy meal, buffet-style dinner, or even a large potluck can make Sheva Brachot more affordable.

While it’s common for others to take on hosting duties, some couples opt to organize their own Sheva Brachot if they want a particular venue or a more structured event. In these cases, finding sponsors or asking friends to contribute in other ways—like decorating, leading divrei Torah, or bringing desserts—can help balance the costs.

Shabbat Chatan/Kallah (Aufruf): Prioritizing Hospitality

Before the wedding, the groom (and sometimes the bride) is honored with an Shabbat Chatan or Shabbat Kallah, also known as an aufruf in Ashkenazi tradition. This is often held in the groom’s synagogue, where he receives an aliyah to the Torah, followed by a celebratory meal.

Budget Considerations:

Meals: The biggest expense is typically the food, whether you’re hosting a catered kiddush in shul or a full meal at home.
Accommodations: If out-of-town guests are attending, consider whether you’ll provide lodging or encourage friends and family to host them.
Shul donations and honors: Many families make a donation in honor of the aliyah, and some communities have a set expectation for what is included in an aufruf celebration.

Ways to Reduce Costs:

Host a Kiddush instead of a full meal – A smaller spread in shul can be an elegant and affordable alternative.
Involve the community – Many communities have a tradition of potluck-style Shabbat meals, where friends each bring a dish.
Get family sponsorships – Parents, siblings, or close friends may be happy to contribute to the event.

The Engagement Party: How Big Should It Be?

Engagement parties range from simple family gatherings to large catered affairs. While it’s an exciting milestone, couples should consider how much they want to spend relative to the wedding itself.

Budgeting Tips:

Host at home – A backyard or home gathering can be just as meaningful as a venue-based event.
Choose a dairy menu – Dairy catering is often more affordable and offers crowd-pleasing options.
Combine with a l’chaim – Instead of hosting separate events, some couples combine an engagement party with the traditional l’chaim gathering for friends and family.

Ways Others Can Help:

Parents often contribute – In many cases, parents take the lead on engagement party expenses.
Friends can pitch in – Whether it’s making desserts, setting up a playlist, or helping with decorations, your close circle can contribute in meaningful ways.

Pre-Wedding Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties: Worth the Splurge?

Bachelor and bachelorette parties can range from elaborate getaways to simple dinners with friends. The key is deciding whether it’s something worth allocating a large part of your budget to.

Budget-Friendly Ideas:

Local experiences – Consider an activity like a spa day, beach trip, or hiking adventure rather than an expensive trip abroad.
Potluck-style gatherings – Instead of expensive restaurant meals, have a cozy get-together where everyone contributes.
DIY spa nights or game nights – Fun, relaxed, and inexpensive.

Ways to Keep Costs Down:

Group contributions – Friends can chip in to make it affordable for everyone.
Plan with a budget in mind – Set a spending cap so no one feels pressured to overextend financially.

Rehearsal Dinner: Tradition vs. Necessity

While rehearsal dinners are standard in many Western weddings, they’re less common in Israel, where most weddings don’t include a formal rehearsal. That said, some couples with many out-of-town guests or specific wedding logistics may find it worthwhile.

When It Makes Sense:

If you have a large number of guests traveling from abroad and want to welcome them.
If your wedding day schedule is complex and requires extra coordination.
If you want an intimate moment with close family and the wedding party before the big day.

Cost-Saving Ideas:

Keep it casual – A simple dinner at home or at a casual restaurant can serve the same purpose as an elaborate event.
Opt for a Shabbat dinner instead – A Friday night family meal can double as a meaningful pre-wedding gathering.
Use family support – Parents or relatives may be willing to host or cover part of the costs.

Final Thoughts: Finding the Right Balance

When planning a wedding, it’s easy to feel pressure to host every possible celebration. However, prioritizing based on your budget and values is key. Many couples find that involving their community, delegating responsibilities, and getting creative with cost-saving strategies makes all the difference.

From Sheva Brachot to engagement parties, pre-wedding gatherings to rehearsal dinners, there are many ways to celebrate without breaking the bank. By making smart choices and embracing the support of family and friends, you can focus on what really matters—starting your married life surrounded by love and joy.

A Jerusalem wedding planner can help structure celebrations efficiently, ensuring that every event, big or small, fits your vision and financial plan.